This might sound uncanny, surreal even, but I need to let you in on who I am, and that is why I am writing this letter to you.
Do you want to know a secret? I have been waiting for you since I was 5. Funny, isn’t it, that I don’t know who you are or what you look like or how you like your tea, but here I am, opening myself to you. I am taking the first step.
I have a lot of things on my mind and I cannot decide to which I should get first. This is exactly like the time when I couldn’t decide between the black dress and the blue one, also like the time when I was torn between letting my hair down and tying it up in a bun. The thing is, I am confused about a lot of things, starting from what I want for dinner to what I want to do when I retire. I’ve lived with that confusion all my life. When I get super confused, don’t panic, it will pass. I will go through a lot of phases during the day. Some of them are extremely entertaining, some are extremely difficult. The only thing I am sure of, the only constant phase I’ll have is you.
A marriage based on mutual decisions is sure to be smooth. So far, I have made my own decisions. I have made some good calls and some bad calls. We have so much to learn from each other; I want to debate endlessly on silly things and I want to debate about life issues, but I know that by the end of these debates, we’ll always find a solution with which both of us are happy, more or less. I want us to be a couple who respects each other’s decisions, each other’s independence and cherishes each other as individuals.
I know that just like me, you are scared too. I am a girl who likes her freedom and likes to make her own decisions. Our society will tell you that a person like that will never care for your family, that I will never make an effort to fulfil your dreams. Don’t believe them. I promise to love your family as much as I love mine. I want us to fulfil each other’s dreams as well as our own dreams, together.
I am rather hopeful, for it’s going to be fun when the two of us work and both of us wash the dishes and do the laundry and eat ice cream on the couch, dressed in our pajamas and go to bed together.
There will be times when I will have a bad day and start doubting myself. When something like that happens, will you sit down with me and hold me close? For all I need at such times is acceptance and understanding. I am talkative one moment and angry another, I am shy and I am naughty, I like to be pampered but sometimes, I like to sit alone and read or write something in my journal, and it may so happen that you’d find that behavior a little distant. But know that it’s my way of reflecting upon life and indulging in some alone time. I will obviously love the things we’ll do together; in fact I am really looking forward to that time, but I come with my set of quirks – some of them you may like and some you won’t. Will you accept me and love me for who I am?
People have different ideas about what they want from life. You will have your own idea of how your life should be, and I have mine. I happen to love my work. That does not mean that I will not take care of the house or you. I will. I am rather hopeful, for it’s going to be fun when the two of us work and both of us wash the dishes and do the laundry and eat ice cream on the couch, dressed in our pyjamas and go to bed together. I plan to balance my professional life and my personal life, with a little support from your side. I want to be a source of support for you because I do not believe that it is only a man’s duty to earn. We are partners in everything, right?
I have my set of insecurities, you know. I will cry over a silly remark that someone made or crib about my weight and constantly wonder if I am going to do something remarkable in life or not. You see, I am unsure of too many things, and when you live with me, you will know all about them. I want to know your insecurities too. I am keen on talking about everything and I wish you’d do the same. I can’t wait to be reassured, and I am waiting to reassure you.
All my life, I have been told that the boy you marry will have his demands, his dreams, and his ideas about the type of life that you are to lead with him. I want you to know that I am willing to make my share of sacrifices. I have my dreams too, my demands and I know that when we talk to each other, we’ll figure out a way to walk side by side on this road. Maybe we can do something really impulsive and enjoy it. Who says we have to live by the rules and ideas that the society has about marriage?
I also promise to be honest with you and to share all my doubts, all my problems with you. I am a person who talks a lot about herself, so there is no way that you cannot know things about me. I want to be an open book for you. As I have noticed, the key to a good marriage is conversation. I want to keep talking to you, to keep sharing and teasing. I want us to discuss our problems and not keep them locked up inside. If we know what is going wrong, only then we can sort it out, right?
I cannot wait to wake up to you every morning; to make breakfast for you and to hand you your towel when you forget it before you shower; I cannot wait to travel the world with you and to have endless conversations with you; I cannot wait to tell you the stories that I’ve read; I cannot wait to write poems about you, for you; I cannot wait to be your best friend. I want us to be fond of our routines, of our kids, I want us to fight and make up, I want us to be an old couple who are so crazy about each other that they do not need any other sort of
entertainment. I want to be your person. I want to grow old with you.
Of course, I will never impose myself on you. I have a feeling that when you finally meet me, we will figure out what we want, how we want it, and together, we will make this marriage work. Till then, I’ll be waiting for you.
Your loving wife